Manliness…
We live in a culture that celebrates femininity and criticizes manliness.
If you need proof, look no further than the drastic increase in popularity of cats over dogs.*
Cats, for the sake of argument, are the model of femininity. Soft. Dignified. They purr when you cuddle them. They keep their bathrooms neat. They plot against you if you ignore them for too long.
Dogs, specifically puppies, are the epitome of maleness. They’re full of energy and often fail to direct it appropriately. They pee on the floor and slobber all over things they want. They’re loyal and will sacrifice anything for you. I’ve never heard of a guard cat.**
Women are refined, emotionally superior, and elegant. There’s probably a reason we call some men ‘dogs.’
The differences between men and women are fodder for numerous sermon jokes, but it’s simply true. Men and women are different. That’s why the jokes are funny. They’d be stupid if we didn’t all know they were accurate.
For a better anecdote, why do you think we tell men that they “need to get in touch with their feminine side” while never saying the opposite to women?
Ask a psychologist someday why she doesn’t ask women to “get in touch with their masculine side.” I’m sure she’ll appreciate the joke.
The truth is, we are different. Not better, just different.
It’s how we were created. Men and women were created to be unique, complementary beings (see Genesis 1:27). I believe it’s because the fullness of God’s characteristics can’t exist in the limited nature of a single human being. We need both men and women to fully understand God.
So why does the church follow the culture and pretend we’re all the same? More importantly, why does the American church assume we’re all women?
In a time when movies like Gladiator, Braveheart, and Saving Private Ryan are in every guy’s top 5 list – we have reduced Christianity to inspirational quotes. We’ve turned the physical presence of the Gospel, the Church, into a Lifetime version of itself.***
No wonder men don’t want anything to do with it.
It’s dull and there’s nothing for us there. We think we’ll have to sit around and get in touch with our feelings. Our experience has taught us that, if we’re to fit in, we have to act more like our wives.
We were made for more than that.
We were made for adventure.
And we kill it so early.
We expect red-blooded boys to sit still and answer questions in Sunday School given by their female Sunday School teachers. If they don’t, they’re criticized or marginalized. Their female classmates often outshine them in this setting (due to their very nature and developmental patterns). Boys grow up equating church to school without recess (so really, what’s the point?)
If the kids last, youth group gives them another shot – and it’s usually better.**** But even then we’re never taught to take chances and step out in faith. We’re often taught to toe the company line – and whatever you do, don’t have sex. You might get an STD.
The Gospel is strong. It’s a story of sacrifice. It’s a story of a man who was God giving everything and igniting a movement that would last millennia. It appeals equally to the meekest, quietest woman to the loudest, roughest man. Why can’t we tell that story? Why do we insist on teaching men to be quiet, sit still, and wait their turn?
Now I’m not suggesting men be pigs. We’re taught to love our wives (because it’s unnatural for us) and that’s what they need. In the same passage, our wives are taught to respect their husbands (because it’s unnatural for them) and that’s what we need. In order to do that we need to both rise above our tendencies and be completely submitted to Christ and to each other.
It’s just that we’re in a love dominated culture – and the Church is no different.
If men are from mars, and women are from venus – the Church’s primary language is Venutian.
And that’s too bad for a lot of guys out there.
I long to see a the American church full of men who lead. A Church full of fathers, husbands, boyfriends, and friends who love, discipline, pray, study, A Church where the good women are equalled (or even outnumbered) by the good men. A Church where we can both proudly display our gender as an example of the God who sacrificed it all for us. THE Church.
*completely made up statistic
**only a scaredy cat
***ok, so some of the Lifetime stories would be perfectly suited for the New Testament church
****unless the cheese factor is too high. I once met a youth pastor who wore nothing but orange. He collected something new and orange on every youth trip. He looked ridiculous and I wanted to be nothing like him.
*****because I don't want to plagiarize, I was heavily influenced by this excellent article. You should read it. It's better than my little rant here.
******I feel the need to say that I'm really happy to be serving the church I'm serving. Rock Bridge gets it.
**only a scaredy cat
***ok, so some of the Lifetime stories would be perfectly suited for the New Testament church
****unless the cheese factor is too high. I once met a youth pastor who wore nothing but orange. He collected something new and orange on every youth trip. He looked ridiculous and I wanted to be nothing like him.
*****because I don't want to plagiarize, I was heavily influenced by this excellent article. You should read it. It's better than my little rant here.
******I feel the need to say that I'm really happy to be serving the church I'm serving. Rock Bridge gets it.