How do you balance work, fun, and family?

It’s not always as easy as it seems. Deadlines loom. Schedules conflict. Hours fly by. The urgent crowds out the important. And before you know it, too much time has passed.

For me, this is an always evolving battle. I love my job and I know God has called me to it, but I still have to make the right choice everyday. God’s been beating me with this a bit lately and wanted to share the action steps He’s put on my mind.

1. At least one day a week, turn off your cell phone. I take Saturday and Monday off each week. Because my week revolves around Sunday, I stay somewhat available on Saturdays. Mondays are a different story however. I try to turn off my cell phone. I try not to answer (or even check) work emails. Turn it off, don’t answer phone calls, don’t respond to emails, don’t twitter. Just be with your family. This is something with which I still struggle. But it’s so much better when I succeed.

2. On vacation, set someone else as your go to person and don’t answer any calls unless they are from that person. I work with a couple of guys in our worship department who do a great job of covering for me when I’m out of town with the family. I’ll change my voicemail settings and set an auto-reply for my email directing everyone to one of my coworkers. Then, if that coworker calls, I know it must be important. Everything else can wait.

3. Tell them consistently. People won’t remember what you say, they’ll remember what you’re passionate about. Consistently tell your family you love them. Show them attention. Be present and attentive. This is another one I struggle with. I love technology and the ability to be always connected. The downside is that we’re always connected. It’s too easy to become a slave to these devices. I don’t want my sons’ memories of me to all be with my computer on my lap or my phone in my hand. (By the way, I suck at this.)

No matter what I do, I hope and pray that my family always knows that they come first. When I’m old, I don’t want to look back and wish I’d been around more. I don’t want my wife and I to grow apart. I don’t want to miss my boys growing up. I want to experience every minute of it.

What do you do to keep your family where it should be?

Last night I watched the season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8 with my wife. I would say that she made me, but that’s not entirely true. I’ve watched it for a couple of seasons now and I was interested in what they were going to say in regards to their recent controversies. (If you’re more of a man than I am you might want to click here or here to catch up.)

The first thing I noticed (and I’m sure I’m not the only one) is that they did not interview together. In fact, in the whole 75 minute show they were on screen together for less than 5 minutes. And in that 5 minutes together it was clear to everyone that there’s trouble in paradise. Here’s why.

The last 2 minutes of the show made the Gosselin’s priorities very, very clear. They both stated emphatically that the kids mattered more than anything. In fact, the producers repeated this several times. More than anything the kids mattered the most. This is what made me sad. As important as my children are to me, they will never matter more than their mother who, in turn, will never matter more than Jesus. This is why so many couples get divorced soon after they become empty-nesters. They don’t take the time to strengthen the relationship between each other. Here are a couple of pointers to keep your relationship with your spouse strong.

1. Date your spouse. Get a babysitter and leave. Go out as often as you can afford it. Talk. Laugh. Be alone together. Find the time. If you’re kid’s lives are so busy that you can’t make this happen, then you need to slow them down. Take them out of sports or extracurriculars. You are setting the example that they will turn and act upon when they’re married. Make the time.

2. Tell your spouse often that they’re more important. I tell my wife all the time that she’s my favorite person in the world. I love my kids, but we can make more of them. There’s only one Anna. And she knows it.

3. Evaluate your relationship on a regular basis. One of the best pieces of advice that I ever received was to sit down and have a ‘State of the Union’ with my wife every year. We decided to do it and have found those times to be some of the most incredible moments of intimacy and connection. Sometimes it hurts. We’re brutally honest (always communicating in love) about what needs to improve. We set goals for ourselves and for each other for the next year and evaluate how we did last year. It sounds absolutely awful, but I assure you those are the most incredible dates we’ve ever had. We get dressed up and go out to eat and sit there for hours. (Be sure to tip extra. A lot extra.)

4. Actually believe that your spouse is more important. In order for these things to work…in order for you to communicate to each other…your spouse has to actually BE more important. More important than your kids. More important than your job or ministry. Your spouse is given to you by God to be the single most important person in your life (other than Jesus himself). They have to know it…and it has to be true.

It’s not too late. Your spouse needs to know how important they are.

I went to a funeral a week or so ago that I shouldn’t have had to go to. I say that because she shouldn’t have died. Her name was Sarah and she was 20 years old. Sarah should still be with us. But she’s not. No one was ready for Sarah to be gone. Except Sarah.

Sarah was on her way to visit family in southern Georgia. Driving in the middle of the day from Ohio, Sarah fell asleep and slid off the road. That’s it.

I’ve known her family for many years and I couldn’t help but think of my own son. I wonder if I’ll outlive him. That’s a terrible thought but a real possibility. That got me thinking about two things:

1. I have absolutely no control over anything. I have to completely trust that God will keep his little heart beating. I have to continually trust that God will provide everything he needs. I have to trust that God has a plan for his life and it’s way bigger than I ever imagined. Because I have no idea when it might be over.

2. His father might be the difference. Let me put this out there. I might be the reason he either accepts or rejects God. This is simultaneously encouraging and terrifying. I think as parents we often have so many goals and plans for our kids future that we never stop to think that they might not make it that long. If God called him home tomorrow, what is it that I want him to know today? The answer is simple.

Jesus.

That’s. it.

If he never learns to read, or write, or ride a bike, or drive a car, or kiss a girl, or have a kid of his own…but he knows Jesus, than I have succeeded. If he does all of that other stuff with excellence but never knows Jesus, I’ve failed miserably as a father.

It is our responsibility as parents to introduce our kids to Jesus. You don’t have to beat them with the Bible or pester them. But it is our job to raise them and show them who He really is. Our children may not remember everything we teach them, but they will remember what we’re passionate about.