It happens every night. Our oldest (2 yrs.) sits down at the dinner table excited to eat.

Then the food comes out.

Suddenly his mouth is locked down tighter than Fort Knox. Doesn’t happen at breakfast. Doesn’t happen at lunch. Just dinner. Cue inevitable bribery and scolding. Cue frustration and irritation. Cue crying and wailing…and that’s just me.

I struggle with this almost every night. I want the kid to eat his food. I want him to listen to my wife and me. I don’t want to have to take away Thomas the Tank Engine for the night. But what I really struggle with is that I’m just not sure what I want him to learn from all of this.

Do I want him to eat his food? Yes.

Do I want him to listen and submit? Yes.

Is there something deeper that I hope he learns? Yes.

I think sometimes, as parents, it becomes really easy to parent based on outcomes. I want my kid to do X. Thus I’ll do Y and Z and X will happen. But I’m not sure X is really what’s important. I’m not as concerned with what he does as who he becomes. I’m less interested in his actions and more interested in his heart. Now don’t get me wrong, actions are important (we often act out of the desires of our heart). But as a toddler, I’m not as concerned with his eating habits as I am about who he is becoming.

Who are you becoming?

P.s. Please never ask my child to read you Fox in Socks. He’s still learning to pronounce ‘Fox’ properly.

In Daniel 6 and Acts 4 three ordinary men risked everything for God. Daniel was caught praying to God after it had been outlawed and was thrown to the lions (literally). Peter and John healed a lame man and preached the truth of Jesus to the crowd that gathered. They were quickly thrown into jail by the religious people of the day. In Daniel’s case the whole nation ended up praising the God who held closed the lions’ mouths. In Peter and John’s case, 5000 people came to follow Jesus. In both cases, the men risked everything. Daniel was stripped of his position and sentenced to die. God intervened and he was saved. Peter and John were thrown into jail and released, but would eventually be martyred for the cause of Christ.
They risked everything…and changed the world. I wonder if when you risk everything for the cause of Christ you’re really risking anything at all. People certainly won’t understand you. But that’s ok, who would expect them to? I think God doesn’t call us to safety, living out our faith behind closed doors.

I think He calls us to risk.
Risky lives filled with adventure.
Filled with the adventure of serving Him.
Serving Him for HIS glory, not our own.

Maybe that’s the hard part. Giving up our own glory. Daniel was stripped of his position in government. Peter and John were mocked by the religious people of the day (they still exist today). We want the story to be about us.

That’s why we love stories. We love books, TV, movies, video games (we actually get to BE the hero)…it’s written on our hearts. We love to hear stories of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. God called our whole species to more…to stories that matter…

But we have to give it all up first.

“Immediately they left their nets and followed Him.” (Matthew 4:20). Peter and Andrew just left everything to follow Jesus. Do you wonder if they worried about their financial security? Did Jesus offer dental?

Something in them drove them to follow Him.
Immediately.
Without question.
Without reservation.

They risked everything…and changed the world.

What are we risking for Him? What have you done this week that REQUIRES faith? It’s a humbling thought…

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He’s 22 months in this video. We didn’t really teach him to do it; he just kinda started doing it.

How do you balance work, fun, and family?

It’s not always as easy as it seems. Deadlines loom. Schedules conflict. Hours fly by. The urgent crowds out the important. And before you know it, too much time has passed.

For me, this is an always evolving battle. I love my job and I know God has called me to it, but I still have to make the right choice everyday. God’s been beating me with this a bit lately and wanted to share the action steps He’s put on my mind.

1. At least one day a week, turn off your cell phone. I take Saturday and Monday off each week. Because my week revolves around Sunday, I stay somewhat available on Saturdays. Mondays are a different story however. I try to turn off my cell phone. I try not to answer (or even check) work emails. Turn it off, don’t answer phone calls, don’t respond to emails, don’t twitter. Just be with your family. This is something with which I still struggle. But it’s so much better when I succeed.

2. On vacation, set someone else as your go to person and don’t answer any calls unless they are from that person. I work with a couple of guys in our worship department who do a great job of covering for me when I’m out of town with the family. I’ll change my voicemail settings and set an auto-reply for my email directing everyone to one of my coworkers. Then, if that coworker calls, I know it must be important. Everything else can wait.

3. Tell them consistently. People won’t remember what you say, they’ll remember what you’re passionate about. Consistently tell your family you love them. Show them attention. Be present and attentive. This is another one I struggle with. I love technology and the ability to be always connected. The downside is that we’re always connected. It’s too easy to become a slave to these devices. I don’t want my sons’ memories of me to all be with my computer on my lap or my phone in my hand. (By the way, I suck at this.)

No matter what I do, I hope and pray that my family always knows that they come first. When I’m old, I don’t want to look back and wish I’d been around more. I don’t want my wife and I to grow apart. I don’t want to miss my boys growing up. I want to experience every minute of it.

What do you do to keep your family where it should be?

Last night I watched the season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8 with my wife. I would say that she made me, but that’s not entirely true. I’ve watched it for a couple of seasons now and I was interested in what they were going to say in regards to their recent controversies. (If you’re more of a man than I am you might want to click here or here to catch up.)

The first thing I noticed (and I’m sure I’m not the only one) is that they did not interview together. In fact, in the whole 75 minute show they were on screen together for less than 5 minutes. And in that 5 minutes together it was clear to everyone that there’s trouble in paradise. Here’s why.

The last 2 minutes of the show made the Gosselin’s priorities very, very clear. They both stated emphatically that the kids mattered more than anything. In fact, the producers repeated this several times. More than anything the kids mattered the most. This is what made me sad. As important as my children are to me, they will never matter more than their mother who, in turn, will never matter more than Jesus. This is why so many couples get divorced soon after they become empty-nesters. They don’t take the time to strengthen the relationship between each other. Here are a couple of pointers to keep your relationship with your spouse strong.

1. Date your spouse. Get a babysitter and leave. Go out as often as you can afford it. Talk. Laugh. Be alone together. Find the time. If you’re kid’s lives are so busy that you can’t make this happen, then you need to slow them down. Take them out of sports or extracurriculars. You are setting the example that they will turn and act upon when they’re married. Make the time.

2. Tell your spouse often that they’re more important. I tell my wife all the time that she’s my favorite person in the world. I love my kids, but we can make more of them. There’s only one Anna. And she knows it.

3. Evaluate your relationship on a regular basis. One of the best pieces of advice that I ever received was to sit down and have a ‘State of the Union’ with my wife every year. We decided to do it and have found those times to be some of the most incredible moments of intimacy and connection. Sometimes it hurts. We’re brutally honest (always communicating in love) about what needs to improve. We set goals for ourselves and for each other for the next year and evaluate how we did last year. It sounds absolutely awful, but I assure you those are the most incredible dates we’ve ever had. We get dressed up and go out to eat and sit there for hours. (Be sure to tip extra. A lot extra.)

4. Actually believe that your spouse is more important. In order for these things to work…in order for you to communicate to each other…your spouse has to actually BE more important. More important than your kids. More important than your job or ministry. Your spouse is given to you by God to be the single most important person in your life (other than Jesus himself). They have to know it…and it has to be true.

It’s not too late. Your spouse needs to know how important they are.