I miss you Dad.

Today is the 5th anniversary of one of the worst days of my life.

I was working at the Geek Squad at Best Buy (double time & a half!) when some old friends came in to tell me to call my mom. Immediately I knew something was wrong. I’m pretty sure I called every phone number she’s ever had before my fingers finally typed in the correct number. My mom picked up and, voice quivering, told me my dad had died completely unexpectedly.

We’d later find out that he died of a massive heart attack even though he was a vegetarian non-smoker who exercised regularly (he died after a 5 mile run) and had no history of heart disease. He was 50. I was 22.

Though some dark times would follow, I always knew God was there. I’m really not sure why. I’m still surprised I didn’t go nuts and work out my anger and depression in some crazy ways. Maybe it was the people praying for me. Or maybe it was because my faith was stronger than I had thought. I suspect that I had very little to do with it. I think God himself had a plan for it.

I still miss him. He was a man of character who did the hard things even when they were hard. That’s what real men do…and I’m so thankful for his example. I learn more and more how great of a dad he was as I get older and the things he taught me benefit me more and more in the real world.

As a way of honoring him today, I want to post the words I said at his funeral. Though probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, I will be forever thankful that I did it. Here’s what I said.

It’s been hard for me this week deciding what part of my heart to share with our beloved family and friends. Thinking through all the memories and stories I could tell I decided that most of those are best told around a campfire rather than from here.

My father was one of the most Godly men I have ever met. Not only was he an amazing father, but a talented, caring professor and pastor. He has given me an incredible example of how to love one’s wife. He instilled in me a love of thought and debate, of nature and theology and showed me the path to my Savior. He would want you all to know of the hope and joy that I have now.

I have been continually comforted by the blessed assurance I have that my father is now with his Savior. I cannot imagine anything that he would want more. I wish I could see what he is seeing for even a short time. Even through the dark times of the past week God has drawn so close to me. I cannot explain the comfort of having the body of Christ surround you the way it ought to. It has been amazing to me. The outpouring of friends and family willing to help in any way and following through with more than just words has meant the world to my mother and me.

Even now when I close my eyes I can just see him kneeling at the feet of his Savior offering a lifetime of rewards to Christ saying it was all for You. I am comforted to think, as good reformed theology would say, that there could not have been a more perfect time for him to be taken into the presence of God. God decided when this would happen, and he knew before the foundation of the earth that July 4, 2005 would mark the beginning of eternity for my father. And I can’t say thank you enough.

I know that God has been good to my father through this. I’m so grateful that he didn’t have to suffer. And though it’s harder to see I know that God has been good to my mother and me throughout this too. I will never forget my father, nor will the God he devoted his life to forget us.

Today is the first time I’ve opened those pages since the day I read it in front of a thousand people. It’s still true – and God is still good.