Last night I watched the season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8 with my wife. I would say that she made me, but that’s not entirely true. I’ve watched it for a couple of seasons now and I was interested in what they were going to say in regards to their recent controversies. (If you’re more of a man than I am you might want to click here or here to catch up.)

The first thing I noticed (and I’m sure I’m not the only one) is that they did not interview together. In fact, in the whole 75 minute show they were on screen together for less than 5 minutes. And in that 5 minutes together it was clear to everyone that there’s trouble in paradise. Here’s why.

The last 2 minutes of the show made the Gosselin’s priorities very, very clear. They both stated emphatically that the kids mattered more than anything. In fact, the producers repeated this several times. More than anything the kids mattered the most. This is what made me sad. As important as my children are to me, they will never matter more than their mother who, in turn, will never matter more than Jesus. This is why so many couples get divorced soon after they become empty-nesters. They don’t take the time to strengthen the relationship between each other. Here are a couple of pointers to keep your relationship with your spouse strong.

1. Date your spouse. Get a babysitter and leave. Go out as often as you can afford it. Talk. Laugh. Be alone together. Find the time. If you’re kid’s lives are so busy that you can’t make this happen, then you need to slow them down. Take them out of sports or extracurriculars. You are setting the example that they will turn and act upon when they’re married. Make the time.

2. Tell your spouse often that they’re more important. I tell my wife all the time that she’s my favorite person in the world. I love my kids, but we can make more of them. There’s only one Anna. And she knows it.

3. Evaluate your relationship on a regular basis. One of the best pieces of advice that I ever received was to sit down and have a ‘State of the Union’ with my wife every year. We decided to do it and have found those times to be some of the most incredible moments of intimacy and connection. Sometimes it hurts. We’re brutally honest (always communicating in love) about what needs to improve. We set goals for ourselves and for each other for the next year and evaluate how we did last year. It sounds absolutely awful, but I assure you those are the most incredible dates we’ve ever had. We get dressed up and go out to eat and sit there for hours. (Be sure to tip extra. A lot extra.)

4. Actually believe that your spouse is more important. In order for these things to work…in order for you to communicate to each other…your spouse has to actually BE more important. More important than your kids. More important than your job or ministry. Your spouse is given to you by God to be the single most important person in your life (other than Jesus himself). They have to know it…and it has to be true.

It’s not too late. Your spouse needs to know how important they are.